Well, my folks split up briefly, and I didn't really have a choice.  My brother and I came back to Michigan with our mother.  Not long after, our father came back, as well.  He's still here, too.

Tell me about the things you feel have contributed to what your personality is today.

There's been a lot of good and a little bad, I suppose.  The good stuff would be my folks and their unique tastes, which I inherited. My kids, too.  They're goofy, but I wouldn't want them any other way.  All of these things have contributed to my personality.

Give me some specifics.

There's my taste in movies.  I get that from my dad, definitely.  I love any crappy B-movie.  I can sit and watch that stuff for hours and hours.  Then there's my music.  I grew up listening to what my dad did -- Led Zeppelin, Eric Clapton, Jimi Hendrix, the Doors...  Stuff like that.  Afterwards, of course, I started to pick and choose other things that got my attention.  Eddie Van Halen was a huge influence on my as a musician.

And then there are my kids.  They're insane, but I think most kids are.  It helps them cope with dealing with adults.  I'd like to think I've picked up a little of that from them.  It helps me get through the day at work.

What about the bad things?

Well, I've found that I'm incredibly unlucky in the field of romance.  It's not from a lack of trying, mind you.  I've been married twice.  I've dated more women than I care to count.  I'm one of those guys who is certain that "The One" is out there.  I'd even be willing to bet I've met her.  But, sadly, my "Relationship Radar" is broken and I always manage to pick the exact wrong one.

Any other bad things?

Not that I can think of.  I'm pretty happy with the life I've had up to this point -- with the exception of the obvious downers.

You're a musician.  You write.  Your like to draw but have never tried to do anything with it.  What else can you do?

Er...  I can juggle...  Is that the sort of thing you were looking for?

Not really.  Tell me about your musical career.

I'd hardly call it a career.  I've been playing guitar and bass for about twenty-one years.  I've learned to play drums and a little piano, but not enough of either to attempt it in public.  I've been in a few relatively successful bands (on a local scale).  I've been writing songs since about five minutes after I picked up a guitar for the first time, but there are a lot of songs I've written that I wouldn't want someone I actually liked to hear.

And the writing?

I've been writing since I learned how to spell.  I actually published a book once.  It was called Mr. Bill Goes To The Dentist.  It's based on Mr. Bill from the old Saturday Night Live show.  I wrote it and did all of the illustrations myself.  I think I was in fourth or fifth grade at the time.

I've never tried especially hard to write seriously because I never thought about trying to make a living that way.

What sort of things do you write?

Mostly humorous stories about myself and the people I know.  Occassionally, I'll try something serious, but not often.  I just recently wrote my first fictional humor piece.

And the drawing?

I draw just to keep myself and a few friends entertained.  I recently finished a comic book for that group of friends called The Adventures of Bowel-Movement Man and Pee-Pee Pal.

What's it about?

It's about a couple of superheroes whose powers are based on bodily functions.  The two main characters are based on a couple of my friends.  Their arch-enemies are 80's Metal Man (based very loosely on myself) and Java Queen (based on my friend Kerry).  We are always trying to take over the world, but 80's Metal Man is something of an idiot, so he rarely gets it right.  Java is there for support.

Have they fought Bowel-Movement Man and Pee-Pee Pal?

Well, see, that's the thing.  One of the gimmicks of this comic is that BM and PP never actually get to fight anyone.  For whatever reason -- the bad guys gave up, someone else beat the villain -- they never actually get to fight anyone.

You're kidding.

Nope.

Wow.  That sounds incredibly... lame.

I know.  But it's actually turned out to be pretty popular.  Everyone can laugh at toilet humor.  I bet the pope even does it when nobody's looking.

Well, this has been fascinating (yawn!) but we've run out of space.  Thanks for taking the time to talk to yourself.

It's been my pleasure.